chicken is goodI don't really know if I have anything to say, but its been awhile, so there must be something. I want to go to more movies. I see alot, but it doesn't seem to be enough. I have a new obsession with buying movies. It must be the substitute for not smoking. Maybe its that my life is so boring, mundane, and average that I feel the need to live vicariously through other people that don't even exist. That seems more plausable. I'm not complaining about my life in the least mind you, its just a little average and every day, as is everyones really. Its ust kind of a thing that we all have to deal with. If you do something more than a few times, you get used to it. Everything about it. Every crack, every nook, every hair, every folicle. Nothing is new once you've lived a little bit. Love isn't new. Relationships aren't new. Death isn't new. Once one person important dies in your life, you know how its going to feel when the next one checks out. You know what its like to fall in love. Just because the cast changes doesn't mean the feeling itself changes. Once you get used to the person, its just another relationship. Now now, don't let this post think that I am complaining. I am not. I like the monotany. I cherish it really. I feel it. I don't like things to be out of control. That drowning feeling is only fun when you are a kid. I enjoy knowing what every day is going to hold for me. Its a good thing now. Maybe this is the sign of getting old. Hmmm...maybe I'm growing up.
Wow, here we go again. Another year gone. And to think, just 6 years ago and everyone was freaking out thinking that just maybe the world was going to end. Morons. I wasn't. I knew it wasn't going to, but I secretly wanted it to. And away we go
January 2005- New Years Eve, 2004-2005, spent midnight in my car, in a friends driveway, wondering why he wasn't home. The girlfriend and I were in the car. We kissed. There was much rejoycing. Yay. Went to a friends apartment, they were already wasted, I tried playing catch up, and I caught up, and passed them. Spent from 2-3 vomiting everything I ate, and things I didn't. Got left on my front door by Angela. Prophet of things to come.
February- Started boring. End of month brought headaches for dad, got them checked out, found out had a brain tumor. Emergency brain surgury schedueled. Everyone in family panics, except for me. I am forced to keep shit together for whole family. From 500 miles away. Come home, dad has surgury, tumor is benign. I think, is benign the good one? Whichever one isn't cancer, he has. I also bought my first NEW car. Feeling benefits of good job. There was much rejoycing. YAY!!.
March- Nothing really happens in March of note. Same job, same travels, same everything. Relationship with girl is going downhill fast.
April- In like a Lamb. Ends with me single. Relationship of 3 and a half years(give or take) over. We break up over the phone. HAHAHA. All that time, reduced to a payphone conversation. Drinking binge begins. There is little rejoycing. yay
May & June- Drinking continues. Life is like the shitty part of a great John Cusack movie. Hooking up with random girls seems fruitless. Still doing it though, cause its fun. There is some sorrow, yet some rejoycing. yay
July- I am a sucker for the summer time. Spend the month of July enjoying the sun, having fun. Getting back into the mode of being single. Starting to get over girl, enjoy myself. I go to Lollapalooza in Chicago. Have the best time of my life. See the Pixies. many more. There is nothing but rejoycing. YAY! End of month, Ex calls me and tells me to come to her family's cabin 4 hours from home. Says she needs to talk, that she misses me. I go to cabin, nothing changes. She just was lonely. Rejoycing fades away.
August- Same ole shit. 100% single. Drunk often. Very often.
September- Start month single, tell ex that I am moving on for good, say my goodbyes. Meet new girl. Start something. Ex finds out, flips out, wants me back. Roll dice, get back with ex. The rejoycing returns, like the beer bottles of the last 5 months.
October-December- Retardedly happy. .........rejoyce with me, for we are all alive, give or take a few, we all have our core. We have our friends, our family, our known loved ones, and our secret crushes. Breath, and happiness. To the revolution.
1. Whenever I am alone in my room/house/anywhere, I'm afraid its going to stay that way. Forever.
2. Before I go to sleep at night, almost every night, I pretend that I am frozen in carbonite.
3. When I am at work I am a completly different person.
4. I hate tomatoes. So bad that it makes me sick. I eat them on stuff though. Because I'm tired of people saying...."You don't like tomatoes!?"
5. I always wonder if the grass is greener on the other side of the fence. I will never probably know.
6. Before I take a shower, I put on a cool CD and lip sync to it in front of the mirror for my favorite songs. Then I start the cd over and sing it in the shower.
7. Whenever I am in a bar that has Karaoke, I always force people to do it. Then when I do it I am so scared that I want to pass out. But I do it every time.
8. I wish I could get away with watching wretling without people making fun of me, cause I think I would love it. I havn't seen it in 12 years or so.
9. I am so scared of going to the dentist, that I would ALMOST rather my teeth fall out than go back.
10. One time, I woke up late to go to a meeting at an old job. I was flying up the road, and it was winter. I saw on the side of the road, a car was flipped over in the ditch. The headlights were still on, and I saw the driver in the drivers seat. I was late to the meeting because I was up the previous night doing drugs and drinking. I was still fucked up in the morning. I kept driving because I didn't want the police to show up and know I was fucked up. I was 18. Side note, the driver was fine.
